60+ Funny Voicemail Greetings to Make Your Caller Giggle

A funny voicemail greeting can bring life back into an otherwise mundane experience. The days of the neutral ‘Hello, you’ve reached 713-555-0000…’ are over! Funny voicemail greetings on your answering machine may seem like a small thing, but once you have personalized your greeting, people will start looking forward to hearing your voice.

Funniest Voicemail Greetings

Funny voicemail greetings concept, a girl is passing by a big phone with a recorder on the screen.

Is your voicemail getting boring? If you want to spice things up, let us inspire you with this list of funny things to say on your voicemail!

  • You have reached the number you most recently dialed.
  • You have reached this mailbox by mistake. Check the Number and call back!
  • Hi, you have reached (name’s) voicemail. If you want to sell us something, we a) got it at the office, b) already have it, or c) don’t want it. If you’re a friend trying to give us money or want to talk, leave a message or try my cell phone number.
  • Who is this?! How did you get this number?!
  • Hi! It’s [Your Name Here]! Let’s meet up! I’m close!!! (make running sounds, then cut off).
  • Hello? … Yea … Uh huh … Yea … No, you stop yelling at me … Oh, you’re yelling alright … you know what, I’m hanging up … yes, I am … (Beep)
  • I’m glad ya called, but I’m not home, but I’ll be back before too long. You gotta wait for the beep, you gotta leave your name, you gotta leave your number, wait for the beep! *BEEP*
  • Sorry, I cannot come to the phone. I either do not want to talk, or I’m just preoccupied. I will return your call when it is convenient for me.
  • Heyyy, (pause) what??, (pause), can you repeat that??, (pause) I’m not here, but you can leave me a message instead.

Funny Professional Voicemail Greetings

Bored at the office? Add some flavor to your business voicemail with these funny, professional voicemail greeting ideas.

  • This is Bond. James Bond. Okay, it’s really [your last name]. [Your first name] [your last name]. I’ll get back to you as soon as I’m done helping M16 save the world — which will probably be tomorrow at the latest. Have a good day.
  • Hello, I cannot talk to you at the moment. I will not tell you the reason for not taking your call as… it’s none of your business. Bye.
  • Hi there. Thank you for calling me. Please leave your name and message after the beep. I may or may not call you back. If I do call you back, it must be something important. Otherwise, I simply don’t have the energy to waste my breath on trivial matters. Bye.
  • Hi, I will not pick up your call as I am not in the mood. You have every right to yell at me for not picking up your call. Your freedom of expression will be respected. Bye.
  • Hi, you have reached the personal number of [insert name]. Please leave your name and message after the beep if it’s something important. Even if you don’t have anything important to say, I would appreciate it if you did say something nice about me that would make my day. Bye.
  • Hello! You have reached the mail of Peter Smith, your favorite superhero. I didn’t pick up your call because I was busy saving the day. So drop your name and number, and maybe if we survive doomsday, I will return your call someday.
  • Hi, this is Peter. Obviously, I am not ready to talk to you. Maybe because I am scared of what you would say. Save me the heartache and tell me why you called, and if I don’t faint afterward, I will call you back. Thanks.
  • Knock! Knock!! Hello, this is the mailbox of my boss, Mr. P. He is busy figuring out what to tell you. So kindly leave your name, number, and why you called. He will definitely have an answer for you shortly.

Cute and Funny Voicemail Greetings

Looking for a cute way to greet your callers when you cannot pick up the phone? Here are some hilarious voicemail messages to inspire you.

  • Hello. Oh, hi, how are you? It’s been so long. How have you been? We have to meet this weekend. How about I call you around… beep.
  • Roadside cafe; you kill ‘em, and we cook ‘em. Leave your order, and we’ll get back.
  • Hey, sorry I missed you. There may be one of the reasons why I can’t get to the phone: a) I’m with my girl/ guy (laugh), b) I am totally wasted and can’t remember how to use a phone, or c) I just don’t wanna talk to YOU. Leave a message.
  • Hi! It’s [Your Name Here]! Let’s Meet Up! I’m Close!!! (make running sounds, then cut off).
  • Hey! Its –. Wanna hear a joke?
  • Knock, knock!
    Who’s there?
    Not me, so leave a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can!
  • You have reached the voice mailbox of (your name). If you’re a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message in the tone. If you are one of (your name)’s friends, you may also leave a message in the tone. If you’re not hot and not one of (your name)’s friends, call back when you are.
  • (Very long pause) Wait! Please don’t hang up! I want to hear what you have to say.
  • Hello? Oh, hey, wait a minute, I can’t hear you… Sorry, hold on… Nope, still can’t hear you. Do you want to know why? Because I’m not here right now. So leave a message at the beep.
  • I’ll return your call as soon as possible. I would have answered, but I was already on the phone with Bill Gates – I swear.

Creative and Funny Voicemail Greetings

These creative and funny voicemail messages are a great way to leave your caller smiling whenever they call you.

  • Please leave your name and number – but first, a short algebra quiz: How much is 5Q + 5Q? (Keep a pause so that the caller has time to think) 10Q. You’re welcome!
  • Hello. You are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number, and they will get back to you.
  • You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in. Leave a message.” That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.
  • Hi. This is John – If you are the phone company, I have already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friend, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

LEARN HOW TO MAKE $10K PER MONTH

Get My Book For FREE (Worth $15 on AMAZON)

Witty and Funny Voicemail Greetings

If you want to set up an amusing voicemail greeting on your answering machine to brighten someone’s day, these witty voicemail messages will be perfect for you.

  • Hi. This is David. I’ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording, I’m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I’ll play my messages. Please leave one.
  • Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I have already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friend, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.
  • I am not in the office today; I may not be in tomorrow. I may come to work sooner if you lend me your car.
  • I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of 20-dollar bills. If you need any money or want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you’re from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

Short Funny Voicemail Greetings

Let’s face it: we all hate long voicemail messages that drag on forever. And we also hate long voicemail greetings. So, here are a few short and sweet ones to use on your answering machine.

  • …and I’ll call you back as soon as I put this fire out.
  • …and I’ll return your call as soon as possible. Losing your business would make me very sad.
  • …If your phone has a Lady Gaga ring-back tone, then I can’t guarantee I’ll wait for you to answer.
  • …If you’re Jennifer Lawrence, call my emergency line. (Insert your celebrity crush here.)
  • We could be in; we could be out. You could leave us a message and later find out.
  • Sorry, we’re not here to lend an ear. Leave a word, and you’ll be heard.
  • Hello. I’m David’s answering machine. What are you?
  • Hello, (your name) summer home. Some are home; some aren’t. Leave your message at the tone.

Best Funny Voicemail Greetings

Here’s our selection of the best funny voicemail greetings that made us laugh out loud – and we believe they’ll make you laugh too!

  • No one answers phone calls anymore; send me a text.
  • Who is this?! How did you get this number?!
  • Hi! It’s [Your Name Here]! Let’s Meet Up! I’m Close!!! (make running sounds, then cut off).
  • Hello, if you’re hearing this, I’m probably trying to avoid you, so don’t leave a message because nobody likes you.
  • Hello? … Yea … Uh huh … Yea … No, you stop yelling at me … Oh, you’re yelling alright … you know what, I’m hanging up … yes, I am … (Beep) –
  • Hi, you have reached (names) voicemail. If you want money or to sell us something, we a) have it at the office, b) already have it, or c) don’t want it. If you are a friend trying to give us money or want to talk, leave a message or try my cell phone number.
  • I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what you want. But you can tell me all of that in the message you leave me.
  • Hey! It’s (YOUR NAME HERE). So, haha, funny story, my phone and I are playing hide and seek, and t’s winning. I’ll call you back as soon as I find it.
  • Hey, before you leave that message, do you want to know something about me? I love jokes.
  • Do you want to know something I hate? I hate long messages, so why don’t you leave a short one, and I’ll get back to you. If you leave a long one, don’t count on it.

Funny Voicemail Messages for Answering Machine Greetings

Here’s a list of voicemail greetings with a twist: silly, hilarious, and sarcastic messages to make your caller smile, giggle and laugh!

  • Hello. This is a magical voicemail message. Only people I don’t want to talk to can hear it. Abracadabra. Leave a message.
  • This is the operator. What number were you trying to dial?
  • Hello. Hello. If you’re there, I can’t hear you. Just kidding. Leave a message at the beep.
  • Sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now. Leave a message at the beep. (yell to wife in the background) Honey, where did you put the beep?! I can’t find it. Oh, here it is. Sorry, here’s the beep. (beep).
  • Sorry, I saw the caller ID and knew it was you. Leave a message.
  • Hello, you’ve reached Bill’s Nude Monkey Dancers with Painted Toenails. How I help you today?
  • Sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now. Please leave your name and credit card number at the beep.

Conclusion

Voicemail greetings should be more than just your voice welcoming callers who reach your phone. Try out some of these funny voicemail greetings to brighten up people’s days and make yourself sound more interesting. But be careful – you might soon start receiving more phone calls than ever before!

Facebook
Twitter
LinkedIn
Pinterest

Table of Contents

Related posts