70 Funny Sayings to Make Light of Any Situation

One of the best ways to cheer yourself up is to read about how other people have dealt with similar situations.

Here’s a list of 70 funny sayings, expressions, and quotes on life, love, and everything in between, from celebrities like Katherine Hepburn, H.G. Wells, and Steve Martin.

10 Funny Metaphors About Life

Funny Metaphors About Life, a blogger with loudspeaker on phone screen attract followers.

What could we possibly say about life that hasn’t already been said before? Well, as it turns out, these people had some pretty insightful (and, let’s face it, hilarious) observations to make!

  • “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
  • “If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.” – Tallulah Bankhead
  • “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White
  • “Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” – Katharine Hepburn
  • “Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.” – Anthony Burgess
  • “My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.” – Woody Allen
  • “When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice.” – Saul Bellow
  • “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Anonymous
  • “In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back.” – Charles Schulz
  • “Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.” – Ross Perot

10 Funny Sayings For Adults

Adulting isn’t easy, and it only seems to get harder as the years go by. Try not to take it too seriously, and indulge instead in a witty comment or two from one of these great minds:

  • “Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.” – H. G. Wells
  • “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” – Mitch Hedberg
  • “Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.” – Jules Renard
  • “Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.” – Luis Bunuel
  • “I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.” – Stephen Fry
  • “I’m like old wine. They don’t bring me out very often, but I’m well-preserved.” – Rose Kennedy
  • “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom
  • “Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.” – Tom Stoppard
  • “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” – Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
  • “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” – Mark Twain

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10 Funny Quotes About Work

Work and money are the number one causes of stress around the globe, which is exactly why we should all take a moment to have a laugh about the ridiculousness that is modern consumer capitalism!

  • “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
  • “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” – Bill Gates
  • “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” – Sarah Brown
  • “My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” – Anon
  • “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” – Peter Drucker
  • “Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen
  • “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
  • “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” – Groucho Marx
  • “I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend than be one.” – Clarence Darrow
  • “It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

10 Funny Sayings About Marriage

Love is surely one of the greatest feelings, journeys, and experiences of the human condition… but it can also be more than a little stressful at times. Take a gander at what these 10 funny folks had to say about marriage!

  • “They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.” – Clint Eastwood
  • “Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
  • “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.” – Lana Turner
  • “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” – Chris Rock
  • “I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
  • “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
  • “If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they’d never marry.” – O. Henry
  • “When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.” – Rita Rudner
  • “I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.” – Gloria Steinem
  • “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland

10 Funny Sayings About Family and Parenting

Funny Sayings About Family and Parenting concept, a family meets a couple.
Raising kids can be a barrel of laughs or a crippling downward spiral of chaos and despair. When it gets to be the latter, pick yourself up with one of these 10 funny expressions about family and parenting.
  • “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
  • “Families are like fudge … mostly sweet with a few nuts.” – Unknown
  • “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres
  • “Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.” – Cathy Guisewite
  • “As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
  • “If at first, you don’t succeed, blame your parents.” – Marcelene Cox
  • “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
  • “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
  • “Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.” – Evan Esar
  • “A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.” – Unknown

10 Short Funny Expressions

When you’re in need of speedy pep talk, a spritely pick-me-up, or a quick injection of fun, turn to these 10 short funny sayings to help get you through the day!

  • “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” – Winston Churchill
  • “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
  • “My life needs editing.” – Mort Sahl
  • “It’s simple if it jiggles, it’s fat.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
  • “I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
  • “What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright
  • “Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” – Don Marquis
  • “What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.” – Jerome K. Jerome
  • “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” – Ellen DeGeneres
  • “Trying is the first step toward failure.” – Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

10 Wise Funny Sayings

Comedy is all well and good, but at the end of the day the very best and funniest comedians are also those who can impart a little wisdom whilst they make us laugh.

Here are 10 of the funniest, and also wisest quotes and expressions.

  • “I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.” – Bertrand Russell
  • “Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.” – Thor Heyerdahl
  • “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter
  • “Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.” – E. B. White
  • “Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.” – P. J. O’Rourke
  • “Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.” – Ogden Nash
  • “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” – Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear
  • “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” – Dave Barry
  • “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” – Mark Twain
  • “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

Conclusion

Life, love, family, and parenting can all get to be a little too much for us all, at times. Hopefully, however, you can come back here and keep reading these 70 funny sayings whenever you need to remind yourself not to take the world too seriously.

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